I charged my car battery! This might sound unimportant to you, but it was a
big deal for me. My father was a handyman and I helped him a lot on different
projects throughout my childhood. So in theory I have a good grasp of how to use
tools. But it was not enough. One also needs to be willing to do this kind of
stuff, which I was not. My experiences of doing projects at home with my father
primarily taught me that a project never goes according to plan. There are
always edge cases that lead you away from the happy path, and it’s always easier
to hire someone else to be responsible for them. But more and more I feel like
the immortal insight of Ozan Akyol, a Turkish comedian, is spot on: “You call an
expert. They come and you immediately realize that they’re just another guy.”
i decided to quit smoking on april 19 almost two months ago. i told my wife,
my colleagues, my friends. the week before the 19th, i smoked all my cigarettes
mindfully, knowing that i wouldn’t have this sensation soon.
on april 19th, i didn’t quit.
this post is now at a crossroads: i will either self-rationalize not quitting
smoking by saying i have this or i have that, or self-flagellate complaining
about my weak will or never-ending akrasia.
I was in Antalya, Turkey for the company offsite last week. This is a reflection on the past week. photo dump.
The worst type of leader is the one who needs to be the leader. The second worst
type is the one who just can’t accept that they are the leader.
I’m a leader. Writing this fills me with dread because it sounds megalomaniacal
to my ears. However, it’s true. I am a leader. I’ve been a leader for some
time—I’ve been the technical lead of my team for the last three years. Although
they had been calling me that for some time, I think I never really assumed
it. I always treated it like a symbolic title that they needed to give me not
because I deserved it but because conditions demanded it. Somebody had to fill
the void, and no one else was going to.
I’m writing this in haste before packing my laptop for travel. This will be a short one.
The bust is finished! I’m calling it “Syzygy”.
We finished A Knight of Seven Kingdoms. I loved it!
We started watching the new season of The Boys.
I talked about my recent inability to read in analysis. Unsurprisingly, I started reading again. I’ll probably finish the current read tomorrow on the plane.
if you find yourself wondering “what does ege listen to on repeat these days” i got you fam:
After 2 weeks of hiatus I was finally in the atelier again to work on my
sculpture. I think the bust is coming to an end. I feel the resistance to
continue working on it. One part of me says “I’m bored of this, I want to work
on something new,” while another part says “this is 80% finished and I know the
last 20% is the hardest part.” I honestly don’t know what to do. Anyway this is
how it looks right now:
If you think that it looks odd, it was intentional. It’s a bust, half female and half male.
group chat is silent. no one responds to your invitation. it’s okay. it’s been months since you walked aimlessly in the streets. didn’t you miss being a flaneur?
aren’t you entertained?
you bump into Spinoza. HELLO MR. SPINOZA! such a great philosopher. you take a selfie with him. suddenly, the anxiety of an imaginary scene where someone asks you “what’s the gist of spinoza?” clenches your stomach. you hope no one asks anything about him. fingers crossed.
